i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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