Where did you get a picture of my penis
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well you can't waste a boner
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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