i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
