He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Come see our sink grown plant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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