"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
