Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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