My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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