She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
