Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
