if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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