At least make sure they are 18
Why
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
