It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
