He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
