Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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