i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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