Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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