he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
