Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
