frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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