I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize