so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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