I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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