at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
