Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i now understand why vodka
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"