RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
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she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month