Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.