Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.