I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers