Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My balls are so social today.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved