so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
