I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
