if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
