i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
