I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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