Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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