***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
