I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
