i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
