after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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