she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
