girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
