Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
