so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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