is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
