Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
