Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
