I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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