I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
