One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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