Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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