Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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