see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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