I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How external is "for external use only"?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
