Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ketchup is God's man juice
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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