I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Less talking, more tequila
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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