I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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