There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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