I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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