Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
