YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
