remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
