He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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