if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
