We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
