well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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