but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
