UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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