every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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