Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
