I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
