To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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