So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
