so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
