so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
