The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
COCAINE IS GR8
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
