Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
being pregnant is like rehab
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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