i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
