1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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