I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
