Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
